augiemania ORLY?

Urgent Assistance

Calvary greetings, I decided to contact you for friendship and assistance and distribution of my inheritances I have to say that I have no intentions of causing you any Pains so I decided to contact you through this medium humbly ask that you take due consideration of its importance and immense benefit and also sincerely seek your confidence, as I make this Proposal to you as a person of integrity. I got your contact through Network online internet search in my personal search for a reliable and reputable individual to handle a very confidential transaction which involves the transfer of $5.5Million US Dollars. I decided to write you. As you read this, I don’t want you to feel sorry for me, because, I Believe everyone will die someday.

My name is Sarah May Allport I am a dying woman who have decided to donate what I have to you/ church/charity Organizations. I was diagnosed with esophageal Cancer for about 7 Years ago; I am married to Sir Gerald Allport who worked with British Judicial Commission in Chelsea England for over a decade before he died on 5th of July in the year 1989. We were married for fifteen years without a child and he has left me everything he worked for.

I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared For anyone. Though I am very rich, I was never generous, I was always hostile to people and only focus on my self as that was the only thing I Cared for. But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world. I believe when God gives me a second chance to come to this world I would live my life a different way from how I have lived it. Now that I know My time is near I have been touched by God to donate from what I have Inherited from my late husband for the good work of God, rather than Allow my relatives to use my husband hard earned funds ungodly.

So far, I have distributed money to some charity organizations in the U.A.E, London and Ireland. Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this my self any more. I once asked members of my family to Close one of my accounts and donate the money, which I have there to Charity organization in Bulgaria; they refused and kept the money to themselves.

Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended with what I have left for them. The last of my money which is the huge Cash deposit that I have with Financial Firm Abroad .I will want you to Help me collect this deposit and dispatched it to charity organizations And let them know that it is me Sarah May that is making this Generous donation.

I am writing this from my laptop computer in my hospital bed where I wait for my time to come. I pray that God uses you to support and assist me with good heart Please pray that the good Lord forgives me my sins. I have asked God to Forgive me and I believe he has because He is a merciful God. I will be going in for an operation in less than few days. I decided to WILL/donate the money to you for the good work of the lord, And also to help the motherless and less privilege and also for the Assistance of the widows according to (JAMES 1:27).

I took this decision because I do not have any child that will inherit This money and my husband relatives are not inclined to helping poor Persons and I do not want my husband’s hard earned money to be misused Or spent in the manner in which my late husband did not specify. At the moment I cannot take any telephone calls right now due to the Fact that my relatives are around me and my health status. I wish you all the best and May the good Lord blesses you abundantly and please uses the funds well and always extends the good work to others.

I must let you know that this transaction is 100% risk free and The nature of your business does not necessarily matter. For your assistance, I am offering you 20% of the total sum for your good will assistance, 75% is for the charity work & 5% will be Mapped out for any expenses that may incure during the course of this transaction. Finally, all I demand from you is assurance that you will not sit on this Funds when it finally gets to your personal or company’s account in your Country. If this proposal is acceptable by you, please confirm your interest via Email and I shall forward for your perusal any documentation to satisfy you That this project is Legitimate.

NB: I will appreciate your utmost confidentiality in this matter until the task is accomplished as I don’t want anything that will jeopardize my last wish. And Also I will be contacting with you by email as I don’t Want my relation or anybody to know because they are always around me.

Regards,
Sarah May Allport Mrs.

Please contact me through the email address below
Sarahmayallport2@Sify.com

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I didn’t write this obviously.

It’s Saturday morning, 2:45am and I’m laying in bed.

It’s the first truly relaxing moment I’ve had in 3 weeks.

Music for Airports is playing in my open ear (I sleep on my side) and ticking of my alarm clock keeps an awkward beat. My heart is racing despite the pot of chamomile tea I drank, but it’s okay. (I still need to quit smoking)

I am going upstate in the morning at 8:30 to see my mother for Christmas.

Christmas, so far, has gone off relatively smooth and I think I can coast into the new year on this slow wave.

The radiator just kicked on tapping and hissing. The one in my bedroom is less abrasive than Ivan, the radiator in my living room.

I haven’t named the one in my bedroom.

for McCain to take this election.

The fine folks at Real Clear Politics have created a little electoral college application that tracks how votes are swinging. Let’s look at the current map.

Obama needs 270 votes to win, and he obviously has that right now. Lets take a look at the map if all states vote, with the undecided voting as they have historically.

Wow, Obama is kicking some serious ass.

Now in the favor of non-bias reporting, lets give McCain all of the undecided votes.

The only thing that can stop Obama is a scandal. I propose McCain digging real deep. Maybe a child pornography ring? perhaps he’s killed some hookers while paying for them initially with tax payer money (earmark/pork barrel). I’ve got it! Obama raped a panda bear while visiting China to preemptively sign our great nation over to the red menace.

Man, I think this video is great. Totally worth the wait.

seriously, it rules.

Sometimes people do stupid things that they regret the moment they stop doing it.

For example: I fart on Kristin. I think it’s funny until she punches my nuts. Then i regret doing the stupid thing. (notice, it’s not stupid until after the act has been completed.)

Hindsite is 20/20 my friends, and nothing gives you hindsight like getting punched in the dick by a chick who was just farted on.

Ok. Now the reason I wanted to write this post was more as a cathartic release. The other night I did something stupid, BUT I will benefit from it every week for the next 20 something weeks. So it’s really just me being a guilt ridden pussy.

I wrote a poem about it. It’s called “Doing Stupid shit is never cool, unless you will benefit from it directly”

I needed something,
Okay, not really needed, but it definitely helps to have it.
So I took it.
I hope no one saw me steal that lighter from Brendan.

Today i attended a taping of maury. Despite the needless waiting and technical difficulties, i had a great time.

Normally when i think of the show, i think of paternity tests and trannies. Something struck me today. Maury celebrates responsible men.

In a television world that, i feel, demonizes men, the maury staff makes distinct choices to celebrate the men who decide to be responsible.

We all know that the most entertaining part of the show is the deadbeats and jerks, but the directions given to the audience are really the reason the show works. Tv, even talk shows, are productions. As a live audience member, you are setting the tone for how the home viewer will understand the story. When the “bad guy” comes out, you know he is the villain because the studio audience boos. When the victim of infidelity enters, you sympathize because he is cheered for.

It’s kind of like a film’s score. Only the mood isn’t set with music, it’s told to you by a room full of your peers, which creates your attitude. If we booed the single mother, struggling to make ends meet, the home viewer would understand her to be the villain. Whether or not it fit with their opinion.

Thus, the magic of tv, and film too. The viewers experience is shaped, not catered too. Remember that.

LOLMAYA

LOLOLOLOL For real? a “Bad poetry day?” Today?

look here: right here. and read on.

In honor of such an event, I have decided to write some bad poetry.

A day in the dog park.
I sat there staring,
why the fuck would you own a bulldog?
seriously they are ugly, and drool everywhere.

I like cellphones
They are pretty fucking cool.
In Japan they are 10x better.
some cell phones are really quite amazing,
please don’t buy an iphone.

Lara Croft
I must have jerked off to you like 40 times, seriously.

I hope you enjoyed my bad poetry. Happy bad poetry day!!! (ee cummings definitely invented it)

Andrew relayed a story to me today at lunch…

Rocco was sitting in his backyard and noticed two praying mantises. (his backyard is always full of them, as they spread bushido). each mantis was hunting it’s own grasshopper. The american mantis (the american mantis is typically brown I hear.) then lost its grasshopper, turned to its greener counterpart, and decided to eat him.

Both grasshoppers live to see another day.

This story struck a chord with me because the american mantis is so typically american.

I have been working on this big long-winded and overly personal (read: emotional) piece about god knows what. I decided to can it because I don’t really feel like it means anything to me anymore. Instead I wrote a haiku because I’m soooo fucking Zen. (LOLHAIKU)

tell me what you want
then I will go and do it
when it’s done, it’s done

this could easily be replaced with:

I don’t like this biz
not then and not now
let me do my thang

thanks Jenn for the help.

So I have this meebo account from when I was still in college. The campus blocked all p2p ports so I needed an alternative chat app. (it wasn’t till later that I began using adium for this purpose)

Meebo gives it’s users the ability to embed a chat room in their blog/myspace. Being the sucker I am for silly blog tools, I made a “chat room” page on augiemania. No one has ever used it besides me for screwing around.

This got me thinking about other worthless gadgets people put on their blog. Now your miles may vary, but I don’t get much traffic on this site at all, so the idea of people using these things is sort of absurd.

I go to blogs to read, not play with your silly flickr slideshow. Just put the whole gallery on a page, I would rather see them all than like 5 of them. Also your photos suck. (mine aren’t any better)

I use Youtube a lot, so I like the idea of a multiple video player. In fact I use one on my videos page to avoid unnecessary clicks in case someone wants to see a bunch of my vids in a row.

I also used to belong to a few of those “read my blog I’ll read yours” sites, but those are stupid. BlogExplosion sucks stop being an attention whore.

Okay, now that I’ve come to my point, we can get to the good stuff.

(continued…)